Let’s be honest, despite a successful track record overall, recently the UK haven’t done all that well at Eurovision. In the last decade we’ve come dead last more times than we’ve made it to the Top 10. Only twice in this time have we scored more than 30 points, and it’s fair to say most years we only make it through the semis because we don’t have to compete in them. It’s not like we haven’t tried (OK some years we haven’t) but if we can’t win with some of our most successful artists (Blue, Bonnie Tyler), songwriters (Andrew Lloyd Webber) or even when we try to throw all the cheesy-europop we have at our disposal into one song (Scooch) we might have a problem.
The voting in Eurovision is so much fun it literally takes up half the programme, and yet the voting system itself is still considered a bit of an extended joke. Even the introduction of juries to stop the whole ‘we don’t really like your song but we like you so have our 8/10/12 points’ thing hasn’t really worked – the voting is still largely predictable and the favourite still wins. (I’d highly recommend you select ‘bookies opinion’ and ‘favourite’ as one of your criteria if you’re serious about picking a winner, although we use bookies odds a tie breaker so why not have fun with some other options like amount of facial hair instead?)
Clearly, the system could do with updating so here are our ideas for fixing the voting problem…
Picking the genres of the Eurovision songs is stressful. Yes, I said ‘picking’ genres because while some may have you believe that music genres are a finely defined science (most people can tell the difference between heavy metal and classical music, right?) that’s a blatant lie. (Did you know several people have shown that heavy metal is actually influenced by classical music?) And it gets even more complicated when trying to decide what constitutes as ‘pop’ in a competition for songs which have generally already won contests of popularity back home. (That’s about as ‘pop’ as you can get right?)