The first Eurovision Semifinal was last night. If you want all the details you can find the videos on YouTube already. Or, here’s our super-quick, twitter-friendly, headline recaps instead;
Armenia – #HoboGloves. Popular dubstep-esque song is fairly boring on stage. Qualified.
Latvia – #BeardWatch. Fiddles! Guitars! Beard! Cake! Still not enough to get through! Out.
Estonia – #Dance. Generic feel-good dance song bettered by non-generic dancing. Out.
Sweden – #GoSanna. Blonde singer of powerballad manages not to get lost on the Superstage by employing own lighting rig. Qualified.
Iceland – #RainbowPunk. Men in coloured suits (such brightly coloured suits) urge you to be a nicer person. Qualified.
Albania – #SmokeyFloorEffect. Woman stands on podium in attempt not to be drowned out by Superstage while singing rock ballad. Out.
Russia – #Seesaw. Identical twins sing mid-range pop song whilst playing on a seesaw. Qualified.
Azerbaijan – #Trapeze. Somewhat forgettable but largely popular ballad also features someone hanging out on a trapeze. Qualified.
Ukraine – #HamsterWheel. World forgets tension as girl sings pop song accompanied by man in a hamster wheel. Qualified.
Belgium – #GoCompare. Man wears suit. Man sings about Mother. Man (nearly) cries. Man needs Freud. Out.
Moldova – #OUATnotGOT. The drama and costumes of Game of Thrones meets the production quality of Once Upon a Time. Out.
San Marino – #ThirdTimesACharm Bond theme with no Bond cameo. For fans of the colour blue. Qualified.
Portugal – #AreYouReallyLatinThough? Lively Latin song from someone in a skimpy outfit with a surprising lack of hip movement. Out.
Netherlands – #Boring. Two people stare at each other and sing a country song with an image of a road running underneath them. Qualified.
Montenegro – #IceskaterOnRollerblades. Tall Eastern European man sings folk-style ballad while iceskater whizzes around him. Qualified.
Hungary – #IndependentEyebrows. Singer misses some notes because he’s too busy expressing emotion through his eyebrows. Qualified.
What else, you ask?
The Superstage – #TooMuch. Most acts are basically invisible in the pan shots. The lighting effects were occasionally great, but generally under used.
The Presenters – #PilousHair. Whilst nothing special (nor terrible) as far as Eurovision presenters go, the main focus was the mess that was Pilou’s hair.
The Half-time Show – #ShinyPJs. Children dance on stage in various styles whilst everyone else just wants to hear the results already. And that, ladies and gentleman is all you need to know about Semifinal one.