Because we know you’re all busy creating Eurovision costumes out of Lego and otherwise getting ready for the big night here’s our quickfire, twitter friendly, headline recap of last night’s second semi final;
Malta #StrumHappy. Happy-clappy folk song performed by a band standing in a diagonal line. Qualified.
Israel #DancyHand. Powerfully-voiced female scares away voters by threatening medieval torture in a dance song. Out.
Norway #HashtagWatch. Man manages to sing ballad and tick off entire eurovisionr checklist without moving. Qualified.
Georgia #3MinutesToEarthButALotMoreTilThisCentury. Band attach parachute to their drummer in attempt to draw attention to their middle-of-the-road folk ballad. Out.
Poland #BoobWatch. Performers of rap/folk/dance hybrid still rely heavily on the idea that sex sells. Qualified.
Austria #FabulousDahling. Bearded lady silences nay-sayers with stunning ballad performance. Qualified.
Lithuania #Marmite. What was written as a reggae song becomes a crazy mess of noise performed by someone in a tutu. Out.
Finland #ItsGuitarsButItsNotLordi. School boys sing anthemic rock song while Superstage sets off all of Europe’s epileptics. Qualified.
Ireland #KiltWatch. Female singer plus men in kilts attempt to prove there’s no reason you can’t Irish dance in the club. Out.
Belarus #GoogleLawsuitWatch. Man who can’t sing but can move hips is tired of being dessert but not getting any. Qualified.
FYR Macedonia #WhereAreYourHipsterGlasses? Proof that club anthems don’t always have to sound completely terrible live. Out.
Switzerland #IAmTheHamsterYouAreThePrey. Guy in waistcoat sings, plays fiddle and whistles. Qualified.
Greece #Trampoline. Proof that club anthems almost always do sound completely terrible live. Qualified.
Slovenia #Flute. Woman performs perfect example of everything you expect in a Eurovision song and is actually listenable. Qualified.
Romania #HologramsAreOnlyCoolWhenThey’reOfDeadPeople. Dance music duet for fans of strangely shaped keyboards. Qualified.
What else, you ask?
The Dancers – #CopenhagenDanceOutreachProgram After previous success donating stage time to poor circus performers, Copenhagen extends a hand to Europe’s dancers.
The Halftime Show – #AusWatch Australians prove why they aren’t allowed to perform (and therefore vote) at Eurovision.
The Voting Delay – #JustTellUsAlready Voting delayed temporarily due to results lacking verification (in other words, even the refs can’t believe Israel didn’t qualify)